Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, You feel it even when surrounded by people who care. That invisible barrier between you and everyone else who hasn't lost a child. You can be sitting in a room full of family, listening to conversations, watching people laugh, and still feel completely alone. It isn't that you don't care about them. It isn't that they've done anything wrong. It's simply that something has changed inside of you, and no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to find your...
2 days ago • 6 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, You've been told so many things about how grief should work. What's normal and what's not. What's healthy and what means you're stuck. And most of it has probably made you feel like you're doing something wrong. Because you can't stop thinking about your child. Because the hole in your heart hasn't closed. Because certain songs or colors or moments still knock the breath out of you. Today I want to tell you three truths that nobody else is saying. Three...
2 days ago • 5 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, You spent decades building yourself into someone capable. Someone who had it together. Someone other people leaned on. And now here you are—crying in the grocery store. Forgetting appointments. Unable to focus on tasks you used to handle in your sleep. Feeling completely undone. If you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s—if you've spent years becoming competent, independent, in control—and your child's death has stripped all of that away, leaving you feeling weak...
2 days ago • 4 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, Happy Mother's Day. I mean that with my whole heart. Even knowing what today costs you. Even knowing that those three words land differently for you than they do for most people. Even knowing that you woke up this morning and felt the complexity of this day settle into your body before you were fully awake. Happy Mother's Day to you, exactly as you are. With everything you are carrying. With everything you love. I want to sit with you this morning....
28 days ago • 6 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, How are you? I mean really—how are you after Sunday? International Bereaved Mother’s Day has come and gone. And I’m checking in because I know that day can land in so many different ways. Maybe you spent it intentionally. Lighting candles, saying their name, feeling held by the knowledge that this day was created specifically for you—for mothers who carry their children in their hearts rather than in their arms. Maybe you didn’t know the day existed...
about 1 month ago • 4 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, Something I have learned from working with bereaved mamas is the unique expression of love every mama has for each of her children. The unique way you interacted with them and they with you. Perhaps it was the sound of your name in their voice, or they way they hugged you or made you feel special. And one of the quietest most devastating losses that don’t make it into eulogies or griefbooks is the loss of being known by them. Loved by that particular...
about 1 month ago • 5 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, You're surrounded by people who knew your child. People who were at the funeral. People who sent flowers and cards and promised to be there. But when you want to talk about your child now, the room goes silent. Friends talk endlessly about their living children. School stories, funny moments, future plans. And you sit there listening, smiling, participating. But when you try to say your child's name, when you start to share a memory, you can feel the...
2 months ago • 6 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, It happened again. You were laughing at something. Maybe watching a show, or talking with a friend, or just having a moment where the weight lifted for a few seconds. And then it hit you like a physical blow: “How am I able to do this? My child is dead. How dare I smile?” The guilt floods in immediately, drowning whatever small moment of relief you’d found. Your mind starts spiraling: “What kind of mother laughs when her child is gone? They’ll think I...
2 months ago • 11 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, You saw their favorite number three times yesterday. A butterfly landed on you at the exact moment you were thinking about them. Their song came on the radio right when you needed to feel close to them. And then someone—maybe a friend, maybe a family member, maybe even your therapist—suggested you're "seeing patterns that aren't there." That your grief-stricken mind is "creating meaning as a coping mechanism." That you're "making things up because you...
3 months ago • 7 min read
Letters to A Grieving Mama Dear Reader, Over the past weeks, we've walked together through territory that most people will never understand: In Letter 40, we explored why you can do everything "right"—therapy, support groups, all the memorials and rituals and still hurt just as deeply. We looked at the collision between the cultural paradigm that treats grief as a problem to solve and the spiritual reality that your relationship with your child didn't end; it transformed. In Letter 41, we...
3 months ago • 5 min read